God, it has been a long past two weeks. Everything seems to just ffall apart right infront of me. Few things are lasting. Its like looking for rocks in a pile of dirt clumps. Alot of things are disinigrating in my hands. This makes adding a third page to my comic very difficult... not that many people are reading it or REALLY do care about it.

I am so tired right now. Which may be what is increasing my depression. But I have noticed something... I havent done a good peice of art work or writting in what seems to be centuries. Forgive the typos. But still. And after all the years of practicing to draw, it all seems invain. I dont have a signature character or type of drawing. Like Val has her crazy scientists, Gloria has her paintings, Temari has her cute style, and I got shit. Or what appears to be shit. It always looks the same. Never unique, never me.

Words are not leaving me easily and I can speak anymore for the life of me. I can still sing, but I fear I will lose that too. I fear that I will lose all that is me, all of who I am, and its not fair. I feel stuck and trapped in a sinister game with no way out. I feel lost and helpless... I feel hopeless... I have lost most if not all hope and faith in me and alot of people. I want to be happy and some few rare things to, for a short time. But I am tired of feeling this pain. Is there not a single pill I can take to make it all go away like nothing ever happened? Something to make me forget my past, the fact that mothers even exist? Just something to make my pain leave me. Because right now, it is only flowing inside of me, never leaving, never known by anyone but me.

People can say and pretend that they know all they want, but I feel as though I am on this road alone... to find the key that opens me inside. And some roads I am afraid to take. So I contenue looking for the damn key that I have lost hope in.